I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
