No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
