It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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