im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
