I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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