am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
