Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize