Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
