Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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