Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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