Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I sprained my soul last night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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