I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
