I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
