i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
