My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
