The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize