Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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