Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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