What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
