Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
