i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
