I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize