fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
