Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
