I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
