you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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