Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
