I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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