goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
