It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
