My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
