I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize