woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
