the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
