the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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