My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
