I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
