I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
