shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
