when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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