Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
