Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
