Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize