The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
