you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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