I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
