3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
