I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
