I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
