i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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