Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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