Your face is a jimmy john
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
