I wish I could punch you in the face.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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