do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
