Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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