A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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