Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
