There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
