I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Randomize
