I heard we made out
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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