i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
