Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
