Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
