I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The best revenge is premature balding
ttyl tear gas
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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