Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Someone shit on the floor
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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