he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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