my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
