Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
