My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
