Please, let me fuck your mom
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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