yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
