i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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