Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize