yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
