hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
