Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
