escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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