Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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