Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
